


Slipping Away

by deliriumrace



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-14 07:39:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5735311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliriumrace/pseuds/deliriumrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iruka and Kakashi have managed to make a life together.  Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Night Whispers

**Author's Note:**

> So here's to the beginning of a journey. Hope it turns out well and someone enjoys reading it. I sure am having fun writing it.
> 
> I admit I am nervous given all of the talented writers posting here.

The hour of the wolf revealed itself with a feather light touch. A thought that lingers on my mind for too long to dismiss as a passing memory, becomes almost tangible. 

The wolf begins its prowl spurred on by the worries that have kept me awake.

I absently run my hands over the hem of my tee shirt. It is rough but soft and I love the feeling of it between my fingers. It reminds me of you. One of the few things I have that was yours, is yours. My hand clenches the fabric at that slip. It is yours and you will be back soon. It has only been five months.

The wolf growls.

Out my window all I can see is darkness. It seems to want to pull me in and pick apart my seams. 

I keep my fear locked away because like the dark it would consume me. It would pull me apart, find all the weak points where you helped me stitch myself together. You wove your strength into the threads and in the dark I hear whispers. Whispers in my ears that you won't come back to me. The threads will go slack.

The wolf raises its hackles.


	2. Falling Leaves

It's funny how life changing moments can seem so ordinary without the lens of hindsight. I guess, if I had to pick the moment when things seemed to start falling apart, it was that time. 

A crisp, beautiful autumn day. The leaves were just past peak color and more littered the ground than were still on the trees.

"Oi, Iruka. Hey, wait up." 

"Oh, hey. I thought you were tied up in meetings today."

"Well, you know how those things go." Thinking back on it, I suppose I should have noticed the way he refused to meet my eyes.

"I do, which is why I'm surprised you're still not glued to a chair in some room. Please don't tell me you snuck away, again."

"No, no. nothing like that. I would never do something so disrespectful." He said with a flourish of hands raised to his chest. As though, I mortally wounded him with my words. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yes, I get it. You are the perfect picture of decorum." I smiled.

"Meet me at the house at 8 o'clock." He said while looking up at the branches. "We can have dinner together." He added a little more quietly.

"Sure, that sounds nice." Ecstatic that Kakashi would think to be so romantic. 

"Great! See you then." He said happily but somehow disingenuously and then he was gone.

Hindsight is 20/20 but I should've seen this one coming. Kakashi is far from romantic and despite the fact that we live together we rarely have time or the emotional headspace for normal relationship activities. Something was definitely going on.

Later that night found me on top of the Hokage Mountain enjoying the view over Konoha. Kakashi sat so close to me our shoulders touched. I hoped this was the start of a new chapter in our relationship. It had been such a nice evening together. 

I let my head drop onto his shoulder. He grabbed my hand and started to kiss my fingers. I sighed as I started to melt into his side.

I am startled out of my contentment when Kakashi all but whispers "I will be leaving for a long term mission." He squeezes my hand. 

It takes me a few minutes to pull myself together and trust my voice. "How long?"

"At least a year, realistically two."

"Oh...I am not sure what to say. I was not expecting that." I willed the tears not to fall.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and held me close. I lost the battle with my tears as he whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

So, within three days he was gone.

The wolf made its appearance.


	3. Letters

The letters were beautifully mundane. Reading them made me feel like he was in the room and not hundreds of miles away.

He wrote of the little things like the cat that took up residence on his windowsill. How different the trees were and how warm the days and nights are compared to home. The endless parade of people, meetings and dinners diplomatic missions entail.

They did not include declarations of his love for me but why would he write what I already know. 

The monthly letters were always signed "Forever Yours" except for the sixth one, the last one. It was signed "I will love you always".

Fear and sadness prickled down my spine at the sight of those words. Underneath the underneath those read like an ending to me.

The wolf began to bear its teeth.


	4. Confirmation

I lay in bed begging for sleep to come but the envelope in the living room seemed to declare war on my conscience. It wouldn't let my mind go. The scrawl across the front declaring it should be returned to sender, definitely his messy writting. Is he okay? Did something happen to compromise his mission? Why would he not be accepting letters? The envelope and my mind supplied the answer to that but my heart couldn't take it. He's just not accepting mine. Another night, another losing battle with sleep.

The next morning came with no regard for my lack of sleep. I rolled out of bed, ignored my reflection in the mirror, flicked that fucking envelope off the coffee table and dragged my sorry carcass out of my apartment. No sense in getting all worked up until I can get a confirmation of the situation. 

Since Kakashi will not be forthcoming about what the hell is going on, I will need to seek out another source. Only two people come to mind who might have some idea what my crazy boyfriend is up to. Well, I am not going to analyze that statement right now and just go with it. One of them in particular will be easier to get some information out of than the other as he seems to experience the same frustration with Kakashi's actions as myself. Besides the other will probably just wax poetical extremely loudly but not give anything away. 

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, my day was pretty open. My class was undergoing intensive outdoor survival training this week with some of the jounin instructors. So I had time to dwell on unproductive things but also to hunt down someone with potential answers.

I headed towards the village center. The seasons had changed yet again and the cherry blossoms were just beginning to open. They are beautiful, fragile and short lived. Tragic in a way, all the viewer can do is watch them fall apart. Yet, on the other hand they symbolize new beginnings. 

So caught up in my musing I almost missed my target. As it was I was only able to catch site of spiky brown hair and the angles of a headband. Moving away fairly quickly and with the slightest of glances from the corner of his eye back toward me. Damn, the game is up already. He seemed to be expecting me.

Time for a new plan. 

"Yamato. Hello, do you have a minute?" I found him sitting in the jounin ready room, completely absorbed in a scroll. He looked up at me completely befuddled and somewhat defeated. 

"I think of all people you should know that I am not going anywhere." He said flatly. Yamato was not one to be overly emotional.

"Yes, well I am sorry about that but I really would like to speak with you. I hope I have not upset you to much." I tried to sound sincere, I really did but my damn lips wouldn't cooperate and seemed to be stuck in a permanent smirk.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get this over with." He muttered something under his breath about Kakashi being an ass. I really can't disagree.

"Okay, great! Firstly, is he okay? Secondly, can you still contact him? I asked in a manner that could've been read as chipper but really I just wanted to scream.

"Yes and yes." He leveled me with a look I am sure he typically reserves for crazy people.  
My world slowed to a stop and all I can do is watch it teeter on the brink. The only thing holding me in place are Yamato's dark eyes pinning me to the present. "Iruka, are you okay?" 

"Umm, sorry. No, not really but...umm...I will be fine. Thank you for that information." I had to avert my eyes his gaze made me feel raw and exposed. "Let me get you out of that chair." I grabbed the scroll and pressed a little chakra into the seal I had placed on the paper earlier.

Yamato was out of the chair and by my side faster than I could blink. Shit. I should have been more careful. Shit. I was startled to see his hand come to rest on my shoulder. "Is that all you wanted to ask? I was expecting you to demand to read the letters he sent me or to tell you what I know about the situation." He said quite gently.

"I just wanted confirmation of what I already pieced together from his last letter. I don't want to do anything that would interfere with your friendship. I guess it is stupid of me to worry about it in this situation but he trusts so few. I just kinda assumed you were the same in that way...so anyway...yeah..that's all." I just kinda trailed off as my brain decided to malfunction, too much to process.

Yamato tipped his head back and laughed. "I can understand why he likes you. Next time we meet you owe me tea and an explanation for how you managed to hide that strong of a seal in an official mission report scroll. Very sneaky."

The rest of the day was a blur. I was functioning on autopilot during my mission desk shift. My head is pure chaos and my heart is so very heavy. I am alone again. The darkness is closing in, scrapping it's harsh tendrils across my face pushing to get in and take over. The stitching is being ripped apart. I am exposed, broken, unworthy. The silent scream is stuck in my throat, choking me. The tears refuse to come. 

The wolf raises its nose to the air and breaths in the scent of fear and despair. It almost seems to simle. It circles as it decides how to go in for the kill and all I can do is watch. In a flash of nashing teeth its mouth closes around my throat.

The sunlight finds me in the morning and harshly reminds me I am still alive. I get up and go about my day. Hollow and numb.

The wolf licks the blood from its muzzle. No longer relegated to the night.


	5. Moving Forward

Tsunade-sama sat behind her desk looking down at the files I had just brought in. Her face scrunched up into a scowl as she flipped the paperwork into one of the piles on her desk. She brought her hands together elbows on the desk and rested her chin. Looking right through me she says "Iruka, how are you holding up?"

I felt my face start to flush. I wasn't embarrassed but angry. I am certainly old enough to take care of myself. "I am perfectly fine, thank you for asking Tsunade-sama."

"Really, you don't look it. Have you even looked in a mirror lately? You have bags under your eyes and your cheeks are sunken in. You look worse than shit."

I sputtered. The fight already draining out of me.

"Look, I know you have been going through a rough time but you need to take care of yourself. When was your last meal and full nights sleep?" She said emphasizing each question with a tap of her finger on the desk.  
"It was a couple days ago." I said defeated. I don't even have it in me to lie. It really doesn't matter anyway.  
"Sit." She said as she came around her desk to join me on the couch. "I remember when you used to get brought into the hospital by the ear when the Third caught you after a prank gone wrong or a fight with your classmates. Your eyes were always so sad back then, much as they are now." I opened my mouth to say something but she held up her hand to silence me. "A very wise man once told me that if you can't fly, run. If you can't run, walk. If you can't walk, crawl. But by all means keep moving forward. I believe he was also quite important to you as well." She smiled and looked as gentle as I had ever seen.

"Yes, he was very important to me." I couldn't help but smile at the thought of the Third smoking his pipe while giving me the same advice.

"Well then I expect a good outcome to this next topic." She got up and walked back to her desk. "So, as you know we're in need of more jounin instructors." Her fingers began to drum on the files I had just brought in. "Apparently, it is quite hard to get them to work with children and here I was given to believe they were all crazy." She chuckled.

"I did compile that data, so yes I am aware." Not sure I was following the direction of the conversation.

"Well, how about it? " She waggled her eyebrows at me.

"Huh..." I stared at her confused. I had assumed she was working up to suggesting I go see the psych nins not something like this.

***************************************************************************************************************

The earth explodes around me. My hands fly through the signs to activate the exploding tags I placed earlier, just as my opponent breeches the ground. The earth explodes again and I loose sight of my target but I know they are hit. I jump away to wait for the smoke to clear. I sense the fist in enough time to dodge and spin. I end up with a kunai to the throat but my opponent has a kunai pressed into his gut. He throws back his head and begins to cackle.

"You got me! See, I told you, you just needed to trust your instincts." 

"Well, I still would have ended up dead!" Although I wouldn't have been able to contain my smile even if I had wanted to.

"Seriously, I think you will be ready for the preliminary jounin trials." I frowned at him. "Really, you have come a long way in a short time. It helped that you were strong to begin with but you seemed to be lacking confidence. I am glad to see you finally smile although next time I would prefer that it wasn't due to you kicking my ass." He laughed and so did I.

Lots happened after Tsunade-sama offered me the opportunity to become a jounin instructor. First off, I was busier than ever. I was assigned a jounin mentor to help get me ready for the preliminary jounin trials. The training was intense and come night-time there was nothing to do but sleep. I slowly started to pack away Kakashi's things. Surprisingly, he had very few belongings in our house. I am not going to say that realization didn't hurt but dwelling on something I will probably never understand seemed silly. It was like every step forward was helping to put me back together. I felt less exposed, like the seams were being stitched back up.

I also began to have tea with Yamato fairly regularly. I have no idea if it is because Kakashi asked him to or not. I think not and to be honest I don't care. We don't talk about him. It was an unspoken agreement we both accepted. I guess that is why I was quite startled when he asked "Why didn't you fight harder to get in contact with Kakashi? "  
It was a beautiful early summer day, warm during the day but still cool at night. We were sitting in a park drinking tea, people watching mostly. His question seemed to come out of nowhere.

"Hmmm, that came out of nowhere." I said off handedly not looking at him.

"Just curious. I didn't mean to imply anything. "

"It's okay. Starting from the beginning is probabaly the best way to answer your question. It might be pretty boring to listen to." I stared into my tea, not nearly as upset to talk about it as I thought I would be. My heart aches at the thought of him, beautiful but always just out of reach.

"I have time and maybe it will help if you talk about it ." He said sheepishly looking anywhere but in my eyes.

"Okay, well I guess. It is worth giving it a try. Uhmm...so, I went through a really rough time after the whole Mizuki betrayal ordeal. He was a good friend. No one seemed to notice that I was falling apart. I made it through the day to day but I couldn't sleep. The guilt and the shame were pulling me apart. I spent many nights wondering around the village lost in my thoughts and fears. My mind wouldn't stop playing and re-playing the whole messy thing. I blamed myself for not seeing what was happening and not being strong enough to stop it. Kakashi showed up next to me one night and just walked with me. He didn't say anything but he made me feel safe just by being close. Crazy right? Just like that I was smitten, saved and screwed all at once." I smiled ruefully. 

Yamato looked at me thoughtfully. "I have never had anyone that made me feel that way. Did you really think it would end badly from the beginning."

"Ya, ever hear that expression about trying to catch lightening in a bottle?" He nodded. "That is what my relationship with Kakashi was like in a nutshell. I chased him for years. When he hid, evaded or chased me away, I stubbornly held on. He just couldn't shake me off. I was like a dog with a bone. Don't get me wrong, I know he loves...loved me in his own way. I also get that the only reason he showed up that night was because he was probably evaluating if I was a traitor but he never had to show himself. I guess, I let go this time because I'm scared the only reason he stuck around so long is because I had too tight of a hold. I only convinced him to move in with me a few months before he left. I was surprised and thrilled he finally agreed but when I packed his stuff up I realized he hadn't actually committed. He had only brought over a few things. I worry that he felt obligated to take care of me because he reached out to me first, because I relied on him to much and he thought I would break. We both deserve more than that." 

Time continued to march forward. The night still whispers that he will not come back to me. The dark presses against the windows but eventually lost the power to pull me apart. If he never comes back I will stand under my own strength. I am no longer afraid. The sadness will fade in time.

By the time the snow began to fall again the wolf cowered at my feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsunade's advice belongs to MLK.
> 
> Hold out your hand, give it to me. I have an ache, an itch I just can't reach.  
> The storm on the horizon, when it blows through the devastation will be complete   
> Alone in the chaos and the fear.  
> I no longer wait for rescue, get up shake it off.   
> Chasing lightning is foolish. It only knows to crackle and burn. Elusive, mesmerizing and too wild to hold.  
> Thunder in the distance, my eyes betray me and search out the sound, skyward.


	6. Return

By the time the cherry blossoms bloomed again, I was a jounin. I spent months training my mind and body. It was exhausting but so rewarding. I admit in the beginning my motivation was to silence the screaming pain in my heart. A way to forget being left behind and the agony of not understanding why. A distraction from the voice in my head that says he never felt anything but pity. Eventually, the pain and the voice fell away and the faces of my students took thier place. The hope for their future and their dreams trumped my own sadness. 

I began taking missions so that I could build up enough field experience to start teaching again. I will probably always be more utilized for my teaching abilities but going out of the village and taking on more risks and responsibilities was cathartic. I felt strong and confident. The fear that had invaded my heart and mind years ago was now under control. It helps to keep me safe but no longer keeps me down.

The wolf now lies content at my feet. The darkness no longer threatens to tear me apart.

I slogged home through muddy, mosquito infested swamp from a place that should be called the land of stinky mud. My uniform is muddy and wet. I have bug bites in places that they shouldn't have had access to. Scrapes and bruises but nothing major and I am glad for that. Being only my second solo jounin mission, I don't want to do anything to set myself back. Luckily, I also acquired the information needed to call this a successful mission. 

I was standing in front of my door trying to devise a way to avoid getting the stinky mud on my door or in my house. Suddenly a whooshing puff of air hits me in the face and I drop into a defensive stance and jump back. A note appears tacked to my door as well as a fair bit of the mud. I chuckle. Fucking Yamato, he has gotten into the habit of these little pranks since I stuck him to that chair. Like all the others this is an invitation to tea. Not really caring about the mud anymore I yank open the door and get ready for tea.

"Yamato, hello. How are you?" The petals swirl in the air like a surreal ballet. I sit and take the tea he offers up. "I got your note."

He smiles. "I hope it didn't startle you too much."

"No, no..nothing like that." I chuckled.

"You must be getting close to having enough missions to start teaching soon?"

"Yes, not too many more. I can't wait to get back to it. You probably think I 'm crazy but I miss being around kids."

"Yes, I do think you're crazy but it's not your love of children that invokes that thought."

"Really, what exactly invokes that thought then?" I deadpan.

"You sill work the mission desk and deal with all the crazy adults in this village and the craziest of all, I heard you do it for free!" He had a look of horror on his face that quickly turned to amusement as I started to howl with laughter. "You've done good. "

We fall into silence. Watching the village go by. "Yamato, I have a feeling something else is on your mind. So, you gonna spit it out?" He looks over at me and I can't identify the emotion in his eyes or maybe I don't want to because for a second it looks like pity.

"He is on his way back." He continues to focus on my face.

My gut lurches just a little and my heart pangs and I realize it is stupid to feel anything. "Well, this is his village so it was inevitable, right?" 

He smiles a little ruefully. "I am sure it is not that easy of a situation for you."

"No, it's not. So much time has gone by yet it feels like it happened recently. Probably, because I never felt I got any real closure. Ya know, I won't take it too personally if you can't find the time for tea much anymore." I tried to smile but it didn't quite make it to my eyes.

Yamato furrows his brow and mumbles under his breath about Kakashi being an ass and again I can't disagree. He places his hand on my shoulder. "Iruka, I have not spent time with you because he asked me to. I enjoy your company and I hope we can remain friends. Kakashi is a pain in my ass but he is usually worth the effort. You of all people know that the best. So, I appreciate the consideration but you are not rid of me that easy."

"Ah, well. I tried, you are hard to shake once you latch on emotionally." Yamato looks agast. I grab his hand. "Thank you"

"With pleasure. Now let's go eat."

Another mission down and I made it back to my apartment. Instantly, I knew my sanctuary was breached. His chakra traces on the door give me the shivers. I guess he came to get his things although the boxes still sit in the corner. The letter I had written to him all that time ago is gone. It had been sitting on top because I wanted him to read it. 

He has been back in the village for a little while. I have only seen glimpses of him from a distance. It seems I always just miss him but I am not stupid enough to think its not intentional. I really want this situation to be different. It hurts more than I will ever admit that whatever we had in the past is just ignored like it meant nothing. Kinda like the stuff he left here, I guess it's not worth the effort.

Several days later, a familiar presence lingers outside my house. It makes me a little cranky.

"Come in or go the fuck away. It is creepy having you lurk outside my window." I said sternly but not raising my voice.

I continue to make dinner with my back to the window and the living space. I am drawing on all of my training to stay calm even as the conflicts rage inside. Part of my brain tells me to throttle him and the other part tells me not to give him the satisfaction. My heart, on the other hand, hammers in my chest and screams at me to grab him and never let go but only after a good throttling. I settle on trying to just stay level.

The likelihood of the conversation being anything other than frustrating is negligible. He will either fumble through some nonsensical monolog about the situation or worse, act like nothing has happened. Argggh, mental face palm, he's totally going to act like nothing happened. I steel myself to the inevitable.

The window slides open and I hear him climb in and walk over to the kitchen counter. I ignore him. Yes, I do realize how childish that is but I feel justified.

"Umm..long time, no see" He says in that voice of his, the one I could roll up in and be happy forever. So unfair!  
"Yeah, that seems like an understatement." I keep cooking. Not sure I can look at him without wanting to punch him in the jaw and then kiss it better. Damn my traitorous heart. I stay quiet, curious what this is all about but in no mood to make it any easier for him.

"So, I heard you are a jounin now. Congratulations." He says quietly.

"Yup, I am. Thank you. I have heard nothing about you in over a year so forgive me if I don't reciprocate." I said with a bit of a chill. Glad to find some of my anger. It is so much easier than the conflicted longing of a few minutes ago. I'm also glad to see him wince a little.

He just sits, watching me. It is like old times only completly different. I feel like he is looking right through me, assessing. Somehow finding all my secrets, laying me bare. It makes me cranky. Seems completely unfair that I am a mess and he is just sitting in my fucking kitchen after ripping my heart out. It is out of my mouth before I can stop it. "What are you doing here?" So much for not making it easy.

"I wanted to see you, make sure you were alright "

"I'm sure you could have figured that out from a distance. So spill."

"You know me so well Iruka. I did intend to stay at a distance." His posture changes as he trails off a little. I can't believe my addled mind but he looks less than confident and a little lost.

"Well, you're here now so what can I do for you." His behavior is throwing me off so my tone is softer than I want it to be. He looks at me with that one eye and it is churning with emotions. I have never seen anything so beautiful, this eye is usually just an impenetrable wall. It typically gives nothing away.

"You have changed." He says not quite looking at me. "I was expecting you to be like you always were."

"Hmm...and how is that?" I can feel the anger welling up from the direction this is headed.

"Hmmm..waiting...I expected you to be waiting for me to come back around. You'd kick and scream untilyou dragged me back. I always thought you'd just be around." He kinda trailed off and didn't really seem to see me, he seemed lost in thought.

The pain at those words sucker punch me right in the gut. I nearly drop to my knees from the sensation of it. I know he's not wrong but to hear it thrown at me like that, it's too much. "Did you really just say that to me? " I struggle to not let my voice waver. 

His head snapped up and he seemed to be focused again. "Wait. Shit...that came out wrong."

"You're right though, I would have done anything to keep you with me. I was under the impression that you wanted the same thing though. I thought we were trying to build a life together." I tried to keep the pain out of my voice. I can't quite look at him. My chest constricts and I feel kinda hollow at the same time. 

"Iruka, I..." I cut him off with a look.

His words continue to sting. I ball my hands up into fists not sure who I want to hit more, him or me. "You are un-fucking-believable! Did you truly think I would sit here and wait for you after you just vanished? I got it already. You made your true feelings painfully clear. Now, I think you should get the fuck out of my house!" I growled.

"I read your letter." He almost sounds like he is pleading.

"Good! Then everything has been said that needs saying. So, get out!" I shout

"Iruka, wait. Please listen and if you want to throw me out after, I will leave." He grabs my hand, lowers his head and I can feel his hair tickle the back of my hand. It is strange. He is acting strange. "Please sit and hear me out"

"Fine. I will give you 15 minutes. So talk." I let him guide me to the couch. We sit close but positioned to avoid eye contact. He doesn't let go of my hand. My heart aches at the sight of his hand in mine. Such a small contact but with huge implications. Kakashi doesn't touch another lightly. His touch can take a life but just as easily and more rarely express the emotion he can't express any other way. 

He begins to speak and it is just a whisper. "I always thought I was stronger than you because I knew I could just walk away. The intensity of your feelings always amazed and intimidated me at the same time. I considered the way you were so emotional attached to me and your students a sign of weakness. Yet, deep down I couldn't let go. So, I ended up keeping you close but pushing you away at the same time. I went on that mission and expected to be fine. Six months in and I was a fucking mess. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I just wanted to come home. You were always at the back of my mind. It was frustrating and humiliating that I had such a weakness. I decided the best course of action was to eliminate the source of the problem. It worked for a while. I felt free but numb. Little by little everything started to remind me of you. I don't understand why letting you go didn't fix this." His head was down as he spoke and his hand held mine so tight. He raised his face and met my eyes. The almost panic nearly broke my heart all over again. He looked so young and lost and vulnerable. The things he was saying are not a surprise to me. I knew he felt that way to some extent but this is the first time he has been so unguarded. I squeeze his hand back to encourage him to continue. 

"I was going to stay away from you but I read your letter and couldn't leave it alone. I want you to know that I have never pitied you. I know I made you feel that way because I am to cowardly to admit my feelings. I completely fucked up this up and pushed it all on you. I was a complete asshole to you and you still gave me an out with that letter. I want you to know, I understand how strong you are because you have given your love to a person like me freely. I can never make amends for the way I acted but I couldn't let you take any blame. You held on to me no matter how much I tried to run away and to be honest, I love you for it. I just wouldn't let myself be honest about it because it scares the shit out of me. Not that it matters now but seeing the words 'that you were letting me go' in that letter made my blood run cold with fear. Anyway I just wanted you to know." He fell silent.

The wolf begins to whine. He bristles at my feet knowing the damage the man before me could once again inflict on my heart.

"Thank you. I know that must not have been easy for you." My heart is screaming and my mind is spinning. What the fuck am I supposed to do with all of this. 

"Well, I guess I should be going now." He says sounding defeated as he starts to take his hand away from mine.

"Is that really all you wanted? I thought you came here because you finally grew a pair and wanted to get me back." I grabbed his hand. I couldn't imagine letting it end like this. He looked at me startled but didn't move his hand. " Of course it won't be easy. I expect that we will essentially start over. You will have to win me back."

"Are you sure Iruka? I'm probably going to continue to screw up."

"Kakashi are you willing to talk to me about what you're feeling, no matter what it is? If you're willing to do that we can probably move forward. If you're not then let's stop here because as much as we love each other it is not going to be enough."

"Yes, yes I am more than willing to do that." He brings my hand to his check and I can feel tears.

I slip my arms around him and hold him tight until we both stop crying and we are convinced the other won't suddenly disappear.

"So does this mean that we are starting back at our first date?" 

"Yes, of course."

"Well can I get a kiss first? I have missed those a lot."

"Hmmm.....well I suppose." I grabbed his flack jacket and kissed him senseless.


End file.
